Martini Momma

Give and You Will Receive....

No One Has Ever Become Poor From Giving - Anne Frank

The weekend was amazing.  Love, friendship, and family filled my days, nights and heart. 

We celebrated the season at Steppin' Out on Friday with a couple so special to our hearts - xoxo.  The food is among the very best in the city - a great special occasion place with ambience to warm your soul

Saturday was a Parnell party and like many others said it will go down as one of the best.  The night ended probably the earliest ever but the guest was empowering, inspiring, caring people with whom who I love to be included. 

Today, we hosted what will become an annual Peace on Earth Party and thank you to the many generous families we have in our life.  The hampers will over flowed and filled with not only the basic list but so so much more.  Gifts were present not only for the children but for the parents who are often overlooked.  We had so many kids (over 20) and they played in complete harmony as if they knew the power of the moment.  I was so proud for so many reasons.

 

  
Tonight I go to bed busting with love and re-kindled with faith is the power of the human spirit.

I Have Found That Among its Other Benefits, Giving Liberates the Soul of the Giver  - Maya Angelou

This is the real meaning of the season!

Judy

When my mom passed away, I felt a tremendous amount of pressure to take care of my dad.  He didn’t really need it; he is quite an independent man.  He’s always grocery shopped and was a fantastic sous chef to my mom.  I worried about him alone, eating dinner at a table for one.  It broke my heart to think of him in their big empty house doing laundry and household chores all on his own and even crawling into bed at night with no one to say goodnight.   I brought him meals when I could and I remember driving to his house when he was away on business to turn on the lights and the heat so that he wouldn’t walk into a cold, dark house.  I thought about him often and can recall the first New Years after mom was gone.  It was just the three of us and little Ty sound asleep.  I walked my dad home after midnight with snow falling on us as we parted ways under a streetlamp and though he might not remember it, I know it was the saddest new Years I have ever experienced.  

Watching a parent be alone is heart wrenching.  My dad was not meant to be alone; he has so much life in him and so much life still to be lived.  Living with a partner is better than doing it alone.  Travel, dinners, movies, car trips, its all better with someone at your side and though we would have done anything to be bring mom back to fill that seat, it is an impossible hope.  I remember the day that Katie and I told Dad that if he wanted to date, he had our blessing.  We still mourned her loss with a pain so acute but watching dad alone was equally as hard.  Not long after, dad invited us to dinner to meet Judy.

Now Judy may have felt a bit like she walked into a mother’s den and was trying to take one of the cubs and I’m sure we were a bit standoffish and protective about our dad.  We grew into this tight little unit, the three of us, through life’s toughest journey and now here was Judy.  When Katie and I left and called each other that night, we both voiced the opinion.  “ She cannot really be that nice.”  Meet her and you’ll wonder how one lady can be so vibrant and upbeat.

We leanred that Judy really is that wonderful.  One year ago, Judy married Dad and I was glad that Dad had a companion.  With my growing family and Kate’s busy life, dad needed someone and now Judy would be there to share life’s day to day peaks and valleys with.  Truth be told, I was a bit relieved that the weight was off my shoulders, one less worry at the end of the day.  Judy was there for Dad.  I didn’t expect her to be the part of my life that she has become.   Judy has embraced our family with a love that I cannot begin to express.  She is half of the reason that my daycare situation has worked out.  Judy probably didn’t know that when she married dad, she would become an instant grandma.  This role is one that she fills with ease and it suits her more than we could have ever hoped for.  Her spare bedrooms are filled with inflatable princess and cars beds for the sleepovers that she plans.  She picks up Cinnamon Toast Crunch at Costco and tubs of strawberries because the kids love them.  Judy arranges for the Santa breakfast tickets and makes special trips to Gymboree to buy the play pants in every color because Ty would live in nothing but.  She bathes the kids every time we visit her house and always tells me to go take a rest.  Judy remembers what its like to raise little ones and just when I think I’m getting overwhelmed she steps in for a trip to McDonalds for the kids or a meal drop off.  When I ask for babysitting, she opens her day book and basically gives me the go ahead, she loves dating and knows how important time with my Chad is.  It was Grandpa Judy that received my hysterical phone call to save my poor Tyson after his mother left him at school.  She doesn’t know that I know she replaced the silk flowers at mom’s grave last week because they looked a little ratty.  She doesn’t know that I cannot express the gratitude without crying and wonder where such a woman like her was found.  She lets us talk openly about mom.  She is interested in every story and every memory.  She knows the pain and the emptiness that goes with losing a mom and she allows us to live mom’s memories every time we see her.  We went shopping with Judy a while back, Katie and I and the herd of kids.  She was the epitome of a grandma, letting me browse while she entertained them.  I am so grateful that this woman has come into our life.  I am so blessed to call her friend and I know without a doubt that we made the right decision to encourage the kids to call her Grandma, that’s what she is and that’s who they will know.  They will hear memories of their Gramma Maggie but they will live knowing their Grandma Judy. 

People ask me all the time if it is difficult to have Judy in our lives and maybe it was different at first but that passed quickly.  Cancer destroyed our family but it should not rob my dad of the fulfillment he deserves.  He has chosen to share the rest of his life with a woman that is warm, kind, thoughtful and generous beyond words.  I have separated the loss of my mom from this new part of my life and I know deep in my heart that my mom would be proud of our family for welcoming this woman without hesitation.  I am grateful every day for the mom that raised me and I am thankful for the woman that grandparents my children with such open arms. 

Thank you, Judy!

Canine Maximus

"My goal in life is be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am."  ~author unknown

As is evident in yesterday's post, I am focusing this week on really thinking about where I spend my time.  I had asked you what you traded one chunk of time for?  Meaning, did you read, work out, cook, laugh or work instead of sleeping, dancing, cleaning or cuddling.  Yesterday my bod needed some good quality rest and so even though I try to start my week with a bit of a work out, yesterday I snoozed. 

It's all relative.  While we were shopping, my furry pup was hanging out at back home with G&G's.  Unfortunately, it seems she had a bit too much fun and was in rough shape when we picked her up Sunday night.  Aura is one of THE sweetest, most gentle dogs I have known.  In February she will turn 10. 

Sadly, last night we had to bribe her with cheese to get her old bones up to bed.

This morning, as I rose, she watched me get out of bed.  Her big brown eyes, inquiring as to why I was up so early?  She snorted, rolled over and went back to bed.  At almost 70 in dog days, she is entitled to live life however she pleases.

Yet for some reason, I couldn't get her out of my thoughts.  I do see her improving since we picked her up and I recognize that her 'condition' is probably a combination of old age (Rotti's don't often live long into double digits) and arthritic joints and yet I feel haunted about all that she means to me and even more important all that she has seen us through.  Aura has lived with us in two homes, she has witnessed two new boys enter our lives and she was right at our sides, when we sent our first dog to canine heaven.

I know there is little need to elaborate, Marley said it all.  And still, I wanted to apologize to my faithful friend for spending the later years of her life rearing babies.  I wished that I wasn't near as busy as I have been.  And perhaps most important, I wished that I would have had the inner knowledge to know that trading time with my girl cannot be returned to me.  One of these days, I may have to check out of work early, toss mother's guilt in the trash and walk in the sunshine with my pooch.
 

Faithful Heart

Today marks 4 years since the day my mom passed away.  I miss her as much today as I did that day, however, like all breaks and hurts, the acute pain that overtakes us at the moment of impact dulls and and fades with time.  I attended church yesterday and like every week, it provided me with an hour of uninterrupted time to think about what the message is.  I often find my mother's prescence so intense around me in that place.  No, I am not feeling ghosts or anything paranormal but I do feel such a connection to her there.  We attended with my parents before we even knew she was sick.  My mom proudly carried her first grandchild around the church for all to see, I can still close my eyes and remember that.  Tyson was dedicated with my mom watching proudly in the pews.  I left her in charge of pictures and her shots confirmed that I did not get any of my photographic attributes from her, heads cut off were her specialty.  Our former pastor visited us in the hospital at my mom's bedside a dozen times and the comfort in his words for me and for my mom was a blessing to say the least.  My mom's funeral was held in the sanctuary with countless people, so many that the gym was opened for a simulcast of the ceremony.  They came to hear memories, to share memories, to say their farewells and to offer support.  I revisit that night EVERY time I sit in the pew, sometimes briefly in a fleeting memory and sometimes lingering long enough to bring a tear to my eye.  I have come to expect that memory of her at that time and I look forward to it.  When else in our busy world would I find a moment to just sit and think and hold on to her.  I was never one to vocalize my faith but as I get older and realize more and more who I am, I can see that it is just one of many facets that make up my being.  For some faith has nothing to do with religion but for me, the two are intertwined deeply.  I will never preach my point of view from a religious standpoint because l believe fiercely in everyone's right to believe what they believe and I respect the very, very personal place from which faith grows.  For me and my experience with mom, I searched for something, I needed to know that this woman that I loved hard and long would someday be a part of my world again.  For me in that moment it meant turning to our church.  I met friends there that also had lost moms  and we sat through services in the nursing room feeding our babes and often skipping the message to cry together and find our Sunday solace.  I sat yesterday and like every other week, I clung to her memory a little longer as I played out her final days one more time in my mind.  I remembered the funny things about her and the love she gave so fully to me and I smiled to myself certain she could feel it.  It was a good place to be.