Martini Momma

When your best isn't good enough

I am a working mother.  I have a full time job as a teacher.  I have a full time job as a mother.  My priority is a given, the latter, without question.  I find that my 2 worlds collide on a daily basis, as you can never really step out of role of mother.  I might be in the middle of teaching order of operations but if daycare calls to see if I brought the blanky that day, while then I have no choice but to wear the mother hat.  Blanky trumps math.  If a collar bone is broken, school day or not, I know where I must be. 

Husbands like mine are a treasure, he shares in the upbringing of these children with all his heart.  He loves them the same, we discipline as a team, he worries about them when need be ( not as a neurotic like me but as a caring and loving father instead).  He gives of his time, his attention, his everyhting without ever holding back.  He does not, however, get involved in the small details that occupy every moment of my being, that is a mother's duty alone.  He doesn't worry about where the blanky is or whether they have eaten enough vegeatbles.  He isn't consumed with the guilt of knowing that the Grammas are carrying the burden of driving our son to school each day.  He won't stay up at night wondering if the princess socks are washed and ready or whether there are enough soothers in the crib to last the night (never are, another post, another day).  I do.  I try my best.  Every Day.  This week my best was not good enough.

If 3 strikes were out as a mother, I'd be packing my bags.

On Monday, I forgot my lunch and right alongside my lunch sat Ty's snack for the day at home instead of his back pack.  I called the school in a panic wondering if I should call a gramma to come and bring something and the secretary let me know that she would take a little fruit snack down to him.  Bless her heart.  I sent a sweet note the next day to let them know how grateful.  Strike 1.  On Wednesday, I sent my son to school on a day 5 without his library book to exchange.  No biggy, I know but it is when every other kid gets a new book to check out and mine doesn't it and it really is MY fault.  Ty forgives me and that is the bottom line. Strike 2.  Wednesday is an entirely new ball game, the kind that you really cannot forgive, the kind of thing that I haven't told my dearest friends because I don't want them to think I'm crap at this juggleing both worlds thing.  I arranged for my son to be picked up by daddy because I had a staff meeting after school.  Chad went in early and I even sent a reminder to him right before I went to my meeting.  Remember to pick up the kids and get Ty first, every detail though out, except the most important.  I get a call half way through my meeting.  "Hi Mollie"  Hi Kathleen (secretary at Ty's school and used to be at my school) "I have Ty with me here."  Oh, Is he OK? Is he sick?  "No, it was early dismissal and there was no one here to pick him up.  "OMG"  What more can I say?  I called Gramma Judy, who once again bailed me out, even she knew it was early dismassal.  Strike 3 and in fact, I believe I was ejected from the game at this point. 

By the time I see my boy, I am in tears as I apologize over and over.  As kids do, they pick up and move forward, "Mom, it's not the end of the world and they gave me a sucker." 

I know it's NOT the end of the world and I'm NOT the first mom to do it but it doesn't make you feel any better about the decision to work.  I have beat myself up for a day and I'm going to let it go, it is my plight as a working mom.  My challenge this week is going to be to figure out a system that actually works that will keep us all on track.  I know without a doubt, that there is room for improvement here.

Early Morning Artistry

Yesterday morning, all kids loaded into car for daycare and we're off, Ty says to me, "you know what's funny, mom, you didn't even yell today when we were getting ready to go."  OOoooohhhh, bad mom.  I don't even have to think deep to know that this should be my goal for the week.  You might have picked  up from Miss Parnell's post this morning that I'm not a real "zen" mom, I leave the vision boards to my sisters here.  (By the way, my coffee with Brent was great, read her post, you'll get it)   I do, however, always look for ways to improve my life and my kids constantly and yesterday provided me with just the aha moment I needed to see what needed some work.

So, I woke to a child screaming, Maggie's up.  I dug deep, I breathed and I finally coaxed her into a morning snuggle, no frustration from either party.  We did great all morning.  I did not raise my voice, I did not use any of my usual, "hurry up, we're late, let's go, come on's".  I actually felt really good.  I felt in control and I could tell that the kids were having a good time this morning.  It's a really great way to head to work, everyone happy and knowing that we had a few more moments of quality time.  Quiet time. 

It's quiet.  This must be the "zen" the book is talking about that mom's can come to appreciate.  No, it's too damn quiet.  Something is brewing.

Not "zen" but rather Maggie and her wee sis up to some early morning artistry on a white wall canvas.  It's beautiful, isn't it?

So much for my "breathe deep, no yelling" policy.  Only 9 hours till I will get another shot at success.

Faithful Heart

Today marks 4 years since the day my mom passed away.  I miss her as much today as I did that day, however, like all breaks and hurts, the acute pain that overtakes us at the moment of impact dulls and and fades with time.  I attended church yesterday and like every week, it provided me with an hour of uninterrupted time to think about what the message is.  I often find my mother's prescence so intense around me in that place.  No, I am not feeling ghosts or anything paranormal but I do feel such a connection to her there.  We attended with my parents before we even knew she was sick.  My mom proudly carried her first grandchild around the church for all to see, I can still close my eyes and remember that.  Tyson was dedicated with my mom watching proudly in the pews.  I left her in charge of pictures and her shots confirmed that I did not get any of my photographic attributes from her, heads cut off were her specialty.  Our former pastor visited us in the hospital at my mom's bedside a dozen times and the comfort in his words for me and for my mom was a blessing to say the least.  My mom's funeral was held in the sanctuary with countless people, so many that the gym was opened for a simulcast of the ceremony.  They came to hear memories, to share memories, to say their farewells and to offer support.  I revisit that night EVERY time I sit in the pew, sometimes briefly in a fleeting memory and sometimes lingering long enough to bring a tear to my eye.  I have come to expect that memory of her at that time and I look forward to it.  When else in our busy world would I find a moment to just sit and think and hold on to her.  I was never one to vocalize my faith but as I get older and realize more and more who I am, I can see that it is just one of many facets that make up my being.  For some faith has nothing to do with religion but for me, the two are intertwined deeply.  I will never preach my point of view from a religious standpoint because l believe fiercely in everyone's right to believe what they believe and I respect the very, very personal place from which faith grows.  For me and my experience with mom, I searched for something, I needed to know that this woman that I loved hard and long would someday be a part of my world again.  For me in that moment it meant turning to our church.  I met friends there that also had lost moms  and we sat through services in the nursing room feeding our babes and often skipping the message to cry together and find our Sunday solace.  I sat yesterday and like every other week, I clung to her memory a little longer as I played out her final days one more time in my mind.  I remembered the funny things about her and the love she gave so fully to me and I smiled to myself certain she could feel it.  It was a good place to be.

Halloween Howl

You may have seen the mommas make their TV debut on Saturday night on Global Winnipeg's evening news.  Our phone rang off the hook today wondering how they, too, can get a news crew to cover their children's party.  Let me walk you through the craziness of the day. 

1.  2 hours before I am set to host 16 5 year olds for Ty's 5th birthday party, I get a call from martini Momma sister, Kath, who says in her best "please do this for me" voice, "listen, I know one of the news anchors for Global and they are looking to interview some kids and some moms about their feelings about H1N1 and Halloween, could they come and shoot?"  After a small amount of minor arm twisting, "ah, what the hell, it's already going to be a gong show, why not, but you must stay and be the one interviewed, I will be tied up with many little monkeys..and ghosts and goblins and princesses."  Deal.

2.  Both martini momma sisters arrive, Brandi and Kath along with their adorable very scary boys.  Party is on.  I am in a witch suit, hat, really and beads and Halloween T-shirt, they look news worthy and presentable.  Yes, they will do the interviewing and they can only then be dismissed to go grab a coffee while I entertain these monsters.

3.  Parents come bearing ghouls and goblins and party is off to the races.  It is a great time.  All activities aare going as planned, except WAY faster than planned and what I thought would take 1 hour is done in a half hour.  What now?  Yes, the news crew.  Not a bad idea to invite news crew to parties.  They interview half a dozen kids, they watch them limbo, visit Frankenstein's laboratory, making crafts, playing "pin the eye on the monster", and eyeball spoon races.  Interviews are complete upstairs, where are those mommas and what are they doing in my kitchen alone and unsupervised?  I am nervous, I don't trust them, last time the blog exposed some of my organized clutter. 

4.  Party is to reconvene upstairs in dining room where we will eat, drink and be merry.

 
This is the only picture taken by the supposed photographer of the group.  Hands are too full, another good reason to invite said news crew to film for posterity. 

5.  Have found the two missing mommas.  They have exposed all untidiness in every cupboard while in search of Brewt.  They have their little chuckles at my choice of childproof cupboards and I know they are wondering why they are ALL so messy.  Well, hear this, you two.  I heard Kath say at the retreat that by saying "Yes" to something, we are in turn saying "No" to something else.  So, when the cupboards asked begged to be cleaned I said, "NO" so that I wouldn't miss out on something else.  Priorities, ladies, now stay the h@#* out of my cupboards.

6.  Party was a roaring success, news story was informative from Brand and Kath and then they hit me in the basement and asked me to discuss a serious topic while donning my witch attire.  A riot, really!  Ty was so pumped to be on the news doing a real interview.

7.  Trick or Treating was the best ever.  I enjoyed it as much as the kids and woke with a suger hangover this morning.  Ty would have stayed out all night and little Maggie was as proud as I've ever seen.  We were some proud parents out there so thankful that we were still "allowed" to be out with the crew.  I was told at a few houses to wait at the end of the driveway as Ty ventured off with his kindy buddies.  Growing so fast!  I was just grateful that Ty was my date for most of the night.  We had a good time and he even walked me to my door and thanked me for such an "awesome" night.  What more can I ask for?

The Fallout

Well. like everyone else I debated and debated all week and then received my flu shot Tuesday and H1N1 shot Wednesday.  I probably could have gone without the flu shot but kind of got roped in at my doctor's appointment based on my being exposed daily to 450 kids.  We all had our H1N1 and no one has any side effects...except me.  I am going to blame the flu shot.  I have been lethargic, EXHAUSTED (the kind where your eyes feel heavy at all times), achy, sweating at night, you know all that crap.  It's awesome.  I have decided that a day at home today is just what the doctor ordered and my bed seems like a good place to start.  I need to reboot before my house is taken over my 16 5 year olds for Ty's Halloween party.  I need the energy as I start the peeling of 100 grapes to mimic the feel of eyeball's in Frankenstein's Laboratory.  It is going to be "spook"tacular.  The bed beckons and girls, I'm even wearing the fleece jammies.  Retreat bedmates, you know this is a big stretch for me. 

H1N1

I thought I would post what my doctor said to me just yesterday that has somewhat convinced me of what to do.  I visited my doctor for a regular physical for me and asked the question on everyone's minds right now.  What do we do?  Without a hesitation in the world, she told me to vaccinate.  This is what I expected and so I pushed.  "Will you be giving it your kids?"  Yes.  She wonders why in the spring the public was screaming at the government for the absence of a vaccine to a virus that was practically crippling hospitals and why now, when we have a vaccine, 2/3rds of people surveyed are not planning on taking the vaccine.  I am bombarded by too much information about this vaccine and if I were to live in a bubble, I would be vaccinating wothout hesitation.  It is all the information that is confusing me but like Brandi, I could not live with myself if I did nothing and ended up like the family that lost an otherwise helathy hockey player son.  I, too, have looked at the very minute possibility that my kids will experience an adverse effect from the vaccine and I think the risk is more likely that will get the H1N1 flu and then God knows what.  The intensive care pediatric doctor told my doctor that this flu was crippling helathy kids last year and keeping them on respirators last spring for weeks on end.  I can't live with that and so I will vaccinate.  3 confirmed cases were in my doctor's clinic at the very moment I was in yesterday and imagine what I am exposed to every day in my classroom and what my kids are coming in contact with every day in their little worlds.  My concern is about giving both flu shot and h1n1 at the same time.  My doctor is highly and aggresively recommending both.  I had my flu shot yesterday and now wish I hadn't.  I have never given so much thought to a vaccination in my life, I wish the decision were in someone else's hands.  What is the deal with the combination of both vaccines?

A Retreat Indeed

I left on Friday, hurried, busily trying to pack so that I could get out of the house and out the door to pick up 2 ladies and make our way in the caravan to Grand Beach.  That is where the hustle bustle ended for me.  The beautiful cabin that we stayed in at Grand Beach was breathtaking.  I loved it and if I could live in it and smell wood burning fires all day, I would.  In my dreams someday, I will live in a timber frame.  The Carter's cabin is exquisite and we all fell immediatly into a comfortable and relaxed evening.  It is amazing to see 12 woman come together, some strangers, some not and yet all part of the group.  I would say that much wine certainly aids in removing any nervous hesitation.  I imagine what we must have looked like from the outside looking in, a fireside glow lighting up the endless windows, woman gathering, laughing, sharing.  I would have stayed up all night and almost did.  Time that night seemed to elude me.  The lack of sleep that night was worth every moment of time that I spent reconnecting with friends from the last retreat and opening doors on new ones.  I am a believer in connections that strike a chord from the get go and this retreat did not let me down.  I found myself swapping heartache with a wonderful woman and in the next moment chuckling about how we could get to South Beach.  Bedtime chats like the good old days of slumber parties were on the menu and I think I split my sides laughing.  The hike was fantastic and some very thoughtful conversations took place.  My only regret was that I left my camera at the cabin and missed capturing the golden colors of the path, that was breathtaking.  I had no idea that Grand Beach had such beauty, I guess I've never left the beach.  I napped and that may have been my highlight, not really but isn't a nap wonderful when there is no guilt attached to it.  No kids to tend, no laundry to do, just a feather duvet that was calling my name on a cloudy day.  Perfect.  I found just what I needed in this retreat.  A chance to clear my head and not think so much about the duties of life, the responsibilities that were waiting at home.  I got to laugh, listen, share and laugh some more in the company of great women.  It was just what I needed.  Thank you again, Brandi and Kathryn for the countless hours that you spend ensuring that every detail is thought out and provided for.  The efforts you put in were certainly not missed by any of us, what a wonderful time.

With MUCH Gratitude

OK.  I have now mentioned our Oscar Bags probably 10 times.  I know those of you who couldn’t come on the retreat (or didn’t have the wherewithal to know just how AMAZING it would be) missed out, so in the spirit of being the best, I am going to share with you the contents while plugging our amazing supporters.  Here goes, each girl received…

1 FREE meal from Supper Central as well as a reusable shopping bag.  Supper Central is an absolutely gorgeous inside facility where groups/individuals can prep and take home nutritious meals.  BUT they also have a fridge of food that can be picked up and taken home to cook or freeze.  It is very inviting and the girls are so nice.  I am thinking this would be an awesome gift for a friend in need (new mom)...

Tea from Cornelia Bean.  I actually feel like if you haven’t experienced Cornelia Bean than you really aren’t living (in Winnipeg at least).  We have such cold winters and nothing can warm like HOT delicious liquids…TEA.  I have asked Cory (who is a descendant of Cornelia’s) to be a guest on our blog.   She is in her 50’s (hope she doesn’t mind me saying that) and gorgeous.  Her secret (which I am sure we’ll hear from her)... TEA is a huge part of her wellness regime.  These days I start my morning with Black Irish and end my day with Chocolate Kisses Ginger Herbal (decaffeinated) Tea.  I am so excited to interview her.

2 yes I said 2 free passes to Moksha Hot Yoga.  Shauna is the manager at the Donald Street studio.  I have only met her in email but she is another person who I would love to share with our readers.  This past weekend left me feeling very recharged.  I believe that yoga is an integral part of balance for me and so I am making it a priority in my life.   Heck, if I can balance my mind and challenge my body at the same time….well that’s just multi-tasking at its finest.

City Looks.  Where do I begin?  Tracy, my dear friend, is one of the owners.  She wrote (yes!) a personal note to the Martini Mommas and created a gift package.  Every guest received a FREE haircut from Breanna (THANK YOU BREANNA!), hemp oil for the hair, organic Eminence Skin Care Products (celebrities ain't got nothing on the Mommas) and a certificate for 25% off the most incredible facial.

Our ingenuous natural buddies at Tiber River  gave every girl a piece of soap and a certificate redeemable for a reduced price on aesthetics.

Sharon at The Bra Bar, whom I have met in the past donated a very generous gift certificate.  Talk about SUPPORTING our Mommas.

My friend Jeff at Curve 94.3 gave everyone CURVE lanyards, reusable bags and hooked us up with cool music for the weekend.  Thanks Jeff.

Impact Fitness Studio created a custom workout that busted our butts.  It was awesome.  Thank you Sean (and Nat - our Momma - who lead us.  Nat works out there and is RIPPED!).

Naturally vitamin water was a sponsor as was Diageo who graciously donated MARTINI glasses and shakers,as well as shot glasses.  Thank you Neville.

Wine, whine, wine.  Banville & Jones...Thank you Karen.  Banville helped us select awesome wines and nibblies from the gourmet section.

Lastly, The Tallest Poppy made our mouths water and our tummies roar with gratitude from beginning to end.  Talia is amazing and her staff made for us some of the most DELICIOUS, NUTRITIOUS meals our palettes have known.

 

To everyone that made this RETREAT hugely successful, we Martini Mommas thank you from the tips of our toes.

 

 

2 In A Row

Two weekends in a row, this is unheard of in my life.  I’ll be leaving for the retreat weekend in just a few hours and more than a bit excited.  I am not looking for anything more than a relaxing weekend where I might be able to squeeze in a run, lots of wine, a soak and a couple of good sleeps.  I am thankful that this time around, the plumbing is indoors and not out. Remember, last year. 

 

Mostly, I am looking forward to meeting the new gals on the trip.  I am hoping to find myself around a fire with some gals  like I did last year with Nicole, Bran and Carol.   I am excited about being in the great outdoors. 

 

I am going to jog here, at my pace, I CANNOT do Kath's. 

 I love fall and I love that I can wear sweats all weekend.  Let the good times roll.

 

Last weekend, was very different.  We traveled with the 2 oldest monkeys to Grand Forks.  It was a blast.  2 full days at the waterpark that I think Grandpa enjoyed most of all. 

Fine cuisine at Space Aliens.  6 hours in Target with Grandma Judy and Katie.  The boys took part in the UND weekend.  Lots and lots of laughs as we tried to come up with a suitable photography name.  Sleeping with Maggie and waking up countless times to find tiny bits of the Sleeping Beauty set wedged into various places on my body. 

 

I love hotels, I love the smell of chlorine, I love that the beds are made by someone besides me.  I love, love, love Target.  I especially love traveling with my family.  We have decided that we are a compatible crew and that a bigger adventure is somewhere in our future, for now, Grand Forks is booked for next year. 

 

Enjoy your weekends!

Tough Week, Tough Night

I have been an absolute basket case about my daycare situation and true to my style, I have been trying to handle it on my own but I felt so much better after I unloaded it on my hubby last night and I think finally we have a semi-solution.  Up to this point, we were pretty sure we could just stay at our existing place but it just felt like a house of cards waiting to fall.  I felt like at any point, the daycare board may step in and shut it down.  And today, it happened.  She will reduce her numbers to 5 and Friday is Ty’s last day.  So, I have 2 choices in my back pocket and I think I am putting him back where his sisters are.  It means a little more money, it means a lot more trouble with transportation and it means a whole lot of peace of mind, which I think might be the most important.  Debbie is incredible.  It is truly like a second home and after having experienced several other places this year in my searches, I am even more grateful for the care and nurturing that my children receive from her and her team in the comfort of a warm and inviting home.  As she told me last night, the transportation will work itself out and I am going to believe that and hope for the best.  He is my boy and I want him happy and cared for above all else and already I feel the weight being lifted.

Maggie, oh Maggie.  We think you are growing so much and passing through these tough “terrible” years and then you throw a stunt like last night.  Swimming has never been easy since the YMCA incident and so we worked extra hard in the States to have her swim in the pool and the hot tub.  She was awesome and we figured she was ready to head back to the kiddy pool.  She went in. check.  She did not throw a fit. Check.  She did not listen to the teacher.  She ignored teacher’s instructions.  She wanted to get out.  She wanted to play with toys.  All hell breaks loose.  She wants to go home and despite dad’s best attempts and efforts, accepts defeat and takes her to the change room where she decides she wants to go back.  Dad puts his foot down and everything hits the fan.  Full out tantrum, kicking, screaming, hitting, rolling on the ground and yes, NAKED.  I am grateful to have missed this one.  The decision has been made, Maggie is pulled from swimming and we will try again at yet another parent tot class.  Yippee!  This experience has made me so aware of something that I probably needed to learn.  My kids are as different as night and day.  Ty had already completed his first set of solo swimming lessons at Maggie’s age.  He was talking so well and could understand consequences far better.  He was the smallest in his class at her age and used to sit so intently and then tell us later who was not following the instructions.  Maggie is not there yet and that’s OK, I just needed to recognize it.  They are different and thus, we must parent differently.  I get it.  I have learned.