When your best isn't good enough

I am a working mother.  I have a full time job as a teacher.  I have a full time job as a mother.  My priority is a given, the latter, without question.  I find that my 2 worlds collide on a daily basis, as you can never really step out of role of mother.  I might be in the middle of teaching order of operations but if daycare calls to see if I brought the blanky that day, while then I have no choice but to wear the mother hat.  Blanky trumps math.  If a collar bone is broken, school day or not, I know where I must be. 

Husbands like mine are a treasure, he shares in the upbringing of these children with all his heart.  He loves them the same, we discipline as a team, he worries about them when need be ( not as a neurotic like me but as a caring and loving father instead).  He gives of his time, his attention, his everyhting without ever holding back.  He does not, however, get involved in the small details that occupy every moment of my being, that is a mother's duty alone.  He doesn't worry about where the blanky is or whether they have eaten enough vegeatbles.  He isn't consumed with the guilt of knowing that the Grammas are carrying the burden of driving our son to school each day.  He won't stay up at night wondering if the princess socks are washed and ready or whether there are enough soothers in the crib to last the night (never are, another post, another day).  I do.  I try my best.  Every Day.  This week my best was not good enough.

If 3 strikes were out as a mother, I'd be packing my bags.

On Monday, I forgot my lunch and right alongside my lunch sat Ty's snack for the day at home instead of his back pack.  I called the school in a panic wondering if I should call a gramma to come and bring something and the secretary let me know that she would take a little fruit snack down to him.  Bless her heart.  I sent a sweet note the next day to let them know how grateful.  Strike 1.  On Wednesday, I sent my son to school on a day 5 without his library book to exchange.  No biggy, I know but it is when every other kid gets a new book to check out and mine doesn't it and it really is MY fault.  Ty forgives me and that is the bottom line. Strike 2.  Wednesday is an entirely new ball game, the kind that you really cannot forgive, the kind of thing that I haven't told my dearest friends because I don't want them to think I'm crap at this juggleing both worlds thing.  I arranged for my son to be picked up by daddy because I had a staff meeting after school.  Chad went in early and I even sent a reminder to him right before I went to my meeting.  Remember to pick up the kids and get Ty first, every detail though out, except the most important.  I get a call half way through my meeting.  "Hi Mollie"  Hi Kathleen (secretary at Ty's school and used to be at my school) "I have Ty with me here."  Oh, Is he OK? Is he sick?  "No, it was early dismissal and there was no one here to pick him up.  "OMG"  What more can I say?  I called Gramma Judy, who once again bailed me out, even she knew it was early dismassal.  Strike 3 and in fact, I believe I was ejected from the game at this point. 

By the time I see my boy, I am in tears as I apologize over and over.  As kids do, they pick up and move forward, "Mom, it's not the end of the world and they gave me a sucker." 

I know it's NOT the end of the world and I'm NOT the first mom to do it but it doesn't make you feel any better about the decision to work.  I have beat myself up for a day and I'm going to let it go, it is my plight as a working mom.  My challenge this week is going to be to figure out a system that actually works that will keep us all on track.  I know without a doubt, that there is room for improvement here.

Comments

[audrey]

You have two of the most challenging jobs there are -mother and teacher. So much organization required for both and so many details to remember everyday. I know because I, too, am both. But I made a choice to stay as substitute and work only a day a week. It was the only way I could keep my sanity. Although the financial challenges bring on another set of stresses. I also feel the same guilt about burdening grandparents.

My hat is off to you for doing both full-time. Go easy on yourself. It sounds like you are doing better than most would in your shoes.

good luck!

[eliza]

I have tears in my eyes reading this, partially because I can relate and partially because I am logging on so I can work on my report card comments. :p I still struggle with the teacher-mommy balance even though my boy is 4. It was hard to start my day after G and I cried on the stairs at daycare and I pulled him off me this morning as he wailed "Mommy don't leave me!"

[ashleigh]

Every mother has days or weeks like this...even at home moms...but the clear message from your post is that you are a great mom because you care and want to do better. Not all moms would recognize this...and we all know there are an abundance of excuses that we could use to explain why these things happen. To relieve our fault and in turn, guilt. It's the acceptance and the responsibility that makes a great mother. You're a good mother.

[Shauna]

Mol...don't beat yourself up over it. We are all human and make mistakes and as a teacher and mother myself- we know there are literally hundreds of little details that consume our day. On occasion a few are going to slip by us.

Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child",-try not to let the guilt consume you...it's okay to let your "village" help.

Our kids aren't perfect and neither are we but they don't expect perfection. Ty will never give that office visit another thought but what he will remember is the halloween birthday party you spent hours preparing for, the book you snuggled up with and read him before bed and how you love him with all of your heart.
Last of all remember it's Friday!! :)

[Brandi]

Oh Miss Mollie Cats, clearly you have hit a nerve as the comments are flowing from other mothers all across Canada. Recently I was speaking with a woman I know. I was telling her how much nervous anxiety I have trying to juggling all my balls as a working mom. She simply told me, "Lighten up!" If you were prefect, you'd create children that were unrealistic about life impossible to please. And so, that becomes my mantra.

My goal in my 40's to to be OK that I make mistakes. I will accept them and then move on. I may drink too much wine, fall off my chair at a dear friend's dinner party or even leave my dog wagging her tail as I walk right past her at Superstore. We survive and our hearts get stronger. I love and admire your strength and more importantly your love. If your children EVER doubt you, tell them to call Auntie Brand and I will straighten them out!

[Melissa]

Ah, mother's guilt! So many of us can obviously relate to your post. As mothers we try our best to make our children's lives great. Somehow we feel we need to do as much of it as we can by ourselves because we feel guilty asking our families for help. God help us if we make mistakes because our guilt starts to double and triple, weighing on our hearts and shoulders.

Honestly, I don't know what I would do without my parents and Braden's parents. When I'm able to do a good job of managing the guilt of not being able to do it all on my own, it's the appreciation I feel towards our parents more than anything.

Mollie, you are a great mom - one just has to be around your kids to know that! Try not to be so hard on yourself. Try to let the negative guilty feelings go and let yourself be overwhelmed with the positive feelings of appreication for what your family does for you.

Can you tell that I'm having a good day managing my "mother's guilt" ;-)