Sex in the swamp?

 
I feel as if I just crossed the finish line.  My throat is sore and raspy, but body aches and I want to take a hiatus.  Except, I have not checked a major physical accomplishment off My Bucket List, I have been a single parent. Brent is home though now and I couldn't be more thrilled.

A) I need a warm body beside me who doesn't kick me while sleeping or make me pretend my bedroom is a swamp and call me Fiona.  I just need a snuggle partner and silence.  I need someone who will cook me scrambled eggs in the morning and then help me out by taking one child to school/daycare.  In short, I need my man back.

B) I need a partner to help lift me up when I am a terrible parent.  I didn't give G away, although my SIL Lis became a very likely candidate.  On my 3rd day of this solo mission, Lis called and asked me how things were going.  At that point G had pooped his pants (diarrhea) 117 times.  He threw himself on the floor screaming that Shrek be played for a 118th time and he bite/slapped/pushed H 119 times.  My sweet child almost pushed me over the edge. 

Lisa's response, "Come on.  G???  He's the perfect child."  Hello, perfect child?  Right and St. Nick is about to slide his butt down my chimney tonight.

Shortly after that, as if to rise to the challenge, G guzzled an entire cup of water right after being bathed, clothed and brushed, and BARFED all over MY bed (duvet, covers, pillows) - did I say swamp?  Who knew the acronym for a diarrhea diet was BRAT.  Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast.  "No mama, dat is rude.  I want milk RIGHT NOW!"

Tonight, he is hung up up his toes, my Brent is home.  Everyone is pretty much back to good health (Ok, except me but since when did I count), the sheets have been washed and changed AGAIN and I have had an opportunity to just sit, by myself last night with HOT tea and a blanket .  Honestly, if someone would have run into the living room screaming, "Run, the house is on fire!!!!"  I think I would have just flipped em the bird.

Truth be told, what doesn't kill us DOES in fact make us stronger.  In 4 short days I found that I am actually getting quite good at navigating these two monkeys on my own (ordering pizza nightly does help) as does having a job which allows me peace.  I did manage to laugh my way through my blips of insanity and my husband has pleasantly shocked the hell out of me surprised me by doing his own laundry (hope he doesn't have a mistress in TO).  And most importantly, we 4 were reminded that we are best functioning together.

Did someone say hump day?  Yippee, I better shake this cold!

Comments

[Kathryn]

Love this post - makes me miss the daily morning chats at the store

[Jana]

aw single parenting, isn't it fun. At least you made it through. It sounds like you need some much needed rest. Is there a such thing for mothers of two boys?

[~Kristina]

At your expense, I've laughed my ass off. I love your writing. Please publish.
And just a footnote...today marks one month until Christmas morning!

[Mol Cats]

So, so funny! You rock as a momma and I bet your house was still spotless despite all the barf and poop. The worst part is that you were sick through it all. Are you still feeling up to coffee tomorrow?